2 Waiting

So it looks like we have started traveling a week ago but we haven't moved yet. On the contrary, we have become more immobile, having sold cars, bicycles and all the wheels we had. It's strange and a bit confusing too to live off a backpack in our apartment and to be confined to walking distance on an island we have explored so well during the years. 

We still haven't given up on leaving Okinawa on a sailboat, so our daily program is to get our bags and the apartment ready to leave anytime and head down to the marina in the afternoon to ask around for sailboats leaving north. Having done it for four days in a row made me a bit skeptical about it. Mostly we get the answer "noone goes that far". Or very rarely "oh, there was a boat leaving just yesterday!". As Hunor puts it, it feels like the boats sneak out behind our backs from the marina.

waiting for a ride at ginowan marina

we had the best sunsets while searching

there's hope :)

I try not to lose my spirit but time works on me. I mean, I am not used to sit at home for days. I don't really contact friends either, it's had enough to say goodbye once… also, it seems wise to have some time for myself, to prepare for this new way of life mentally too. But then the doubts rise: why do i want to leave this island that has given me so much? once we leave, why don't we head back home to our loving family? Why don't we settle down and have children instead of starting to wander? Will I be able to pursue a career one day? Will I forget my Japanese, my dancing or my film skills on the road? Will I be able to stay disciplined and focused? 

The only thing i know, I am doing this because this is the next step. However frightening and unpredictable it looks, this is what i need to experience. We have been dreaming about traveling for years and years. I think i have started dreaming about it when i was 14, and i tried to do every small thing, and bring every small decision to bring me little by little to where i am now. It is just scary when a long awaited dream comes true, since it very rarely is as we imagined it. I think i will have a hard task learning to live with my imagination on this trip. I don't want to stop dreaming, since all i create is from my dreams. But i want to learn to make a difference between dreams and daydreaming. Dreams nourish the soul and help to move on and to be active and creative. Daydreams do the opposite. They steal the present moment and make it harder to accept reality. 

I was daydreaming a lot about leaving Okinawa on a sailboat. The answer is NO. However hard we tried, we haven't found a boat. So we are heading for the ferry to leave the official way (still not in an airplane though…) And i have to fight my disillusionment and to get unattached from the net of daydreams i wove around it. I wanted a miracle, something grand, something extraordinary to reassure me I am doing the right thing. It might have to do something with all the Biblical stories of Gedeon and Abraham and Moses I grew up listening to. Before their big moves they always got incredible signs and were reassured by God that it will be tough but eventually everything would be OK. That's what i expect. I only see God in the excitement of miracles. But if i want to be on my road with strong feet, i need to learn to see God in ordinary situations. 

Sunday afternoon, Hazel and Chris our best friends took us out  on their small sailboat for an afternoon sailing. This way at least we can say not all our efforts and hours spent in the marina were fruitless and we got to sail - even if for just a few hours. Dreams are not in vain.